Monday, April 14, 2008

Vampire Buddy Flies Back To Toronto, Girl Sad

Jose is leaving tomorrow which is sad because we've had so much fun. Some of you may know him - sweet, polite, gracious Jose. However, living with someone for a couple of weeks gives you new insight. I've discovered a whole list of unique "quirks" about him (that I won't write here in order to preserve our friendship although truth be told, I taunt him with "blog" "photo" "ops" all the time: "Jose, I totally want to take a photo of you right now, in your yoga gear, sorting your laundry into paper shopping bags...for my blog.")

But let's just skip to the best one: Vampire Jose. He comes out at night. After we go out on the town and have fun (and refreshments), he comes home and just tells it like it is. No mincing words. We meet people when we go out at night and while I spend a lot of time mulling over what I think, Jose just comes out with it as soon as we get in the door. If only I could describe to you the complete change from Daytime Jose, who is soft-spoken, demurs, deflects praise modestly and meticulously cleans the kitchen every day like it gets him closer to God, to Vampire Jose who can sum up the Hollywood weirdos we meet in like, 6 words, adjectives and expletives carefully chosen.

I can't give you examples to protect the innocent, and by that, I am referring to Jose, who is afraid of some of these people.

I realize that bulls-eye, no-holds-barred, calling-it-like-it-is isn't necessarily a trait ascribed to vampires (no worries, Jose doesn't do anything else vampiric like wear a cape although that would add to roomie fun), I just call him that because this side of Jose only comes out at night.

Sometimes it's directed at me.

The other night we had post-party munchies. He tried to call for pizza but the fridge magnet lies ("Open Late"). I know that our kitchen only holds such treasures as salad, vitamins, tinctures and flax seed oil, but I really tried.

"Jose! I'm going to make you a grilled cheese! Mmm!" I got busy.

He hovers as I pull bread out of the freezer and says disdainfully: "Is that weird bread?" Emphasis on "weird." I knew exactly what he meant because yes, sprouted 7 grain isn't the exact right food for the occasion but I was doing my best with improvisation and Jarlsberg. But then all night, Jose bugged me about how my horrid sandwich tasted like sawdust (not true).

Jose would never say that at 3 pm. Just 3 am.

Our late nights were courtesy of two parties: this and this. The warehouse party was really amazing although Jose keeps calling it a rave and then I get mad. The other one was funny because it's one of those parties where it's all about the party snaps (more action by the photog than on the dancefloor which is just so wrong). Also, as soon as you put one foot on the dancefloor, it's like:

Kid: "Can I buy you a drink?"

Me: "No!" I'd learned my lesson from a fake-date I went on the other day (long story) - you need to nip this in the bud. "Push It" was playing.

Kid: "Do you like to push it?"

Me: "Yes, because I'M THIRTY." It was the quickest kid-repellent I could think of. "I'm thirty and I remember this song from the first time around."

Today is Jose's last day in LA. Wah. Bye Jose!


Anonymous j said...

Apparently, at night, vampires become fat and ugly.

2:20 AM  

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